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Monday, August 01, 2005

Should I be upset?

She sits next to me, and we talk every day, absolutely every day, about everything: things going on in our personal lives which no one else know, feelings about life, about family, about how we feel about ourselves and about other people. I know she has a very complicated life (much of the complication self-imposed), and I know she is careful not to let things from one aspect of her life impinge on other aspects. But, nevertheless, we're close, even though the majority of our conversations take place via instant message.

Today, another co-worker came by her cube and discussed at length an evening out that they shared with a few other mutual co-workers. An evening out that I had neither been invited to nor heard about. Towards the end of their conversation, the other co-worker (not my cubicle neighbor) turned to me and said, "You really have to come with us next time." I told him, correctly, that I hadn't heard about it, and would have come if I had known.

Yes, I am bothered that he had not thought to invite me, as we are all part of the same extended business group, but I am more bothered my cubicle neighbor did not let me know. Didn't ask on the day they were all going out if I was also going, didn't indicate that it was even happening. The only possible charitable interpretation I can give to it was that, since she wasn't the organizer of this evening, she wasn't about to discuss it with anyone other than those she knew were involved. Or I could give it my standard interpretation of simply, once again, being the guy who is invisible and overlooked.

I'm hurt, but I'm not going to say anything to her unless she asks. I am likewise not going to initiate conversation with her this morning; I will wait to see when she talks with me.

I'm just as bothered by my reaction to this as I am to the situation itself. I should know better by now.

UPDATE: It finally came up for discussion, and she confirmed my generous interpretation, that since she wasn't the organizer, she didn't feel she had the right to invite anyone else. And she tried to soothe my disappointment in not being invited by saying that since I'm a "family man", people assume I wouldn't come anyway -- and she pointed out that one of the other "family men" is never invited either. But, since I've always been the guy who's not invited out with the group (as I've written about before, but don't feel like linking to here), it will always just feel like I am, once again, simply the invisible guy being overlooked.


  • Did I write any blog posts about similar issues I have?

    I often feel the same. I hate it.

    I was having a discussion with a friend about whether I get jealous. Is feeling left out when you aren't invited to things jealousy?

    By Blogger suze, at 4:44 PM  

  • I don't know if it's jealousy or envy or what. But I hate when it happens, and I hate it that I respond the way I do to it.

    By Blogger David, at 4:48 PM  

  • It is bizarre. Today I was invited to something I wouldn't usually be invited to and I have no idea why! So I am stressing over it.

    I can't win :-)

    By Anonymous suze, at 7:29 AM  

  • It is because you give out the 'family man' vibe I think. This happens to me. I am a very reserved person in day to day life - my blog is a side of me not many get to see. Yes it does hurt. Nothing else I can say.

    By Anonymous Ruth, at 3:19 AM  

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